Ok, so all day long I'm trying to figure out what to write about. I was planning this kick ass entry about the difference in discussions and debates and how some people just don't get it that these are two totally different things. But, well, I got distracted *points up* and by the time I got here I had pretty much discussed and debated that whole theme to death in my head anyway.
So the day goes on and stuff happens and I think "YES! Perfect! That is what I'll make an entry about." Started formulating it all in my head, how I was going to present it to save it for posterity, yadda yadda. Then, the bombshell dropped and it totally blew me away and made me completely rethink my whole previous line of thinking.
Ya'll lost yet? Yep, thought so. Ok, bear with me and let me do a little back story here.
The little monsters, aka Gomez & Kimo, spent the weekend with their Dad. I missed them, sure .. at least I think I did .. Surely at some point I did .. I guess. Anyway, I had the weekend all to myself and it was great. I was a total bum all freakin weekend. I actually baked! LOL Huh? Whatta ya mean fixing a box of brownies isn't baking?? The damn oven was on, so it counts. Neener Neener :p
Where was I? Oh yeah .. I was set. Had my chocolate stash all ready to go, had my mountain dew, had my smokes, house was quiet, I could bum around in my huge comfy ratty tshirt and undies .. yep yep, life was good around Casa Bisa all weekend.
Then comes today. Now, Sunday evenings around here are unreal. The boys always come back from their Dad's jumpier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I'm guessing it's because when they are with X they are expected to be miniature adults and by the time they get home on Sun. evenings they just have to let that unexpended energy out. Sometimes it is in the form of being hyper, sometimes it's in the form of being mouthy .. however they have to deal with it. After two years of this I've just sort of accepted it and kind of put up some cushioned boundaries to keep them from having total meltdown. Tonight was no exception.
The arranged place for "kid swapping" (or would that be parent swapping?) is a conveniently located grocery store, which I've mentioned before I think. Anyway, we needed some groceries so I figured that I'd wait and just go there once I picked up the monsters. *snicker and eye roll* Can we say "mistake"? I knew thatcha could. I had more help in there than I needed. We went through the Check Yourself Out Lane because we didn't have a lot of stuff. I had Kimo "helping" to scan things .. and he thinks that annoying BEEP is so cool and satisfying that he just had to test his theory that he could swipe things faster than it could beep. "'Scuse me, Mr. Check Out Helper Dude? Yeah, can you please take off those 7 packages of pizza rolls? Yep, we only need to pay for one, thanks." Now, while Kimo is playing Roadrunner with the beeper thing Gomez is moving the groceries around, taking them off the little platform that you have to leave them on until you're done, causing the computer to pause and have to reset itself after using that bitchy-ass voiced recording of "Please replace the item in the bag!" What? Yeah yeah, now I remember why I like going to the store while they are in school. Where were you with that handy dandy advice when I was walking into the doors of hell earlier?
Ok, fast forward a bit because obviously we did get out of the store & make it home. I fixed supper ... well ok I don't think it counts as "fixed supper" cuz it was one of what we call Fend For Yourself night here. That means whatever someone wants, that's what they have. Gomez had a frozen dinner of corndog, french fries and corn. *gag* and Kimo had some of the well scanned pizza rolls. I had some soup. We ate in front of the tv, cuz lets face it no one eats at the kitchen table anymore. Nuh uh. Well, not in my house we don't. The kiddos talked me into watching our new DVD, Monster's Inc. *blush* Ok, I talked them into watching it. Does it really matter? lol Then came homework time ... yep, the already discussed and ranted over Homework Battle raged on once more. Me trying to make sure Gomez does it and does it right, while at the same time trying to keep Kimo from destroying his new halloween costume. I had reached my limit, boys and girls. I was convinced that not even Calgon could take me away. (Did I mention that PMS has reared it's ugly head today? Yeah, ya might need to know that. Yes you should, You guys quit gagging.) I was talking to my friend on the phone, ranting to her because she can totally relate, having three monsters of her own. I told her "Lynae, I swear to gawd I'm gonna flush 'em!!" I mean, here it is Sunday, the three of us have been together a whole 7 hours and I'm already flipping through the day runner to make sure that yes, they ARE going back to their Dad the weekend after next and wondering about the possibility of them going to Granny's this coming weekend. Hehehe, there goes my Kickass Mom of the Year award, huh? Oh well, I had hit bottom and was ready for them to vanish. Kinda like the time I looked at a beligerent Kimo and said "I wish I could fire you!". Of course Kimo being Kimo he immediately shoots back "You can't fire kids. You're stuck with me!"
Fast forward again - things are settling down, the monsters are calming a bit and a semi-truce has been called. Gomez, my sweetheart, comes in and sits behind me as I'm reading some diary entries & starts rubbing my shoulders and upper back cuz he knows that they are sore. It's his way of showing me that he loves me and to make sure I still love him & that everything between us is cool so he can go to sleep. Kimo was off destroying villages or something like that so Gomez & I had a few minutes of quiet time to talk. We were talking about what they did this weekend & he was telling me how they all got from X's house to a party they went to. I asked how they all fit in the car because when they are all together there's 6 of them and they usually have to take two vehicles. *snicker snicker, cuz she's just waiting for X to show up one day driving a mini-van*. Gomez said "Oh, we didn't all go. Stepbro #2 had football games so he stayed with his dad. And so it was just me, Kimo, Stepbro #1, Dad and Mom."
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< shock > Complete and utter silence fell like a fucking brick house. My breath died in my chest and my brain totally and completely stopped working. Have you ever heard the expression "My heart just dropped"? It's a real feeling folks, a very real and indescribable feeling. Yes, it does feel just like that, but that description just doesn't do it justice.
Now sure the kids have mistakenly called me other names .. Granny being the top one because they spend alot of time with my mom. They've even called me by their teachers' names. But this .. THIS Fucking Hurt. My maternal instincts got all up in arms about this one. My brain, when it started working again, SCREAMED "I am the Mom. No one else! I'm the one who loves them more than anything. I'm the one who has sacrificed right and left. I'm the one who carried and gave birth to them. I am the one who will love them until my dying breath. I am the one who shares their laughter, fears, hopes, tears & dreams." And then my heart kicks in, stabbing itself with the reminders of what I had said earlier about flushing them. *groan*
Bless Gomez's heart, he scrambled to fix his mistake and of course, me being the type of Mom I am, I didn't show not one iota of hurt. That would have been worse, because it would have devestated him. It was an honest mistake on his part and there's no reason at all to make him feel any worse than he felt. I could read it all over his adorable face. No way in hell was I going to even remotely risk hurting him .. so I said nothing. Just listened and smiled in all the right places, gave him extra kisses & hugs before bed and told him I love him.
Hmm .. maybe I still have a chance at that Kick Ass Mom of the Year award .... but just as long as my two believe it, that's fantastic enough for me.
Until later~
bisa
If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy
Words and Images � bisa-pet