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We haven't gotten the Christmas decorations up yet. It seems to be one thing or another that comes up. Either I'm not feeling up to it or the boys are distracted by something else. It's hard because i want so badly to do the holiday up "right" for them. i know they'll be experiencing all the festitivities with all the trimmings at their Dad's and it just chaps my ass. Hell, they're all even dressing up as Santa, Mrs Claus and the boys as elves for some get-together they are doing down there. How the hell do i compete with the whole family atmosphere? Why do i feel like i have to? Well, because it's Christmas and i want it to be special for them. And because this small, selfish, childish part of me is scared to death that they're going to like "them" (Dad and Mrs. Dad) better than me. i know that Gomez is yearning for a "family" that does "family" stuff together and he gets that when he's with them. Yeah yeah, i know that a family is what you make it, that it doesn't require a set number or type of people to make it a family, but we're talking about children's mentality. Theirs, not mine.
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A friend of mine is going thru hell right now with the guy she's seeing. From what i can see as an objective observer and from what they've both said, He's afraid of possible future pain and is running scared. He lashes out at her one moment, and the next he's begging her not to let him go. She's caught up in the whole drama thing of not knowing "Is he serious?" when he says "It has to end now. Quit chasing after me, it won't change things" because when she did valiantly offer to fade from his life to save him additional heartache he panicked and clung even tighter to her. He doesn't want to let her go, yet he can't accept certain limitations in her life. The sad thing is these two people share such a deep and passionate love that most of us would be envious of the relationship were it not for the constant conflicts and indecision. Neither wants to leave, neither wants the other out of their lives, yet hurtful things are being said. i've told her "Just walk away from it" and her response is "I can't." i have to wonder if part of the reason neither of them are leaving is they don't want the other to say "I told you you'd leave." Sad, very sad.
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Kimo finally lost the one tooth that was dangling. Now he lisps, which aggravates him to no end. Of course, he does think it's kind of cool when he accidentally whistles when he's speaking.
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Gomez has been praying so hard for snow so they can have some snow days and so we can have a white Christmas. i told him "Give it up son. We live in the south. It ain't happening." i can remember one white Christmas in the past 25 years, and even then the snow was gone by 10 a.m. Christmas morning. That was the same year Mom and Dad got my bother and i a sled for Christmas. Now that gift was about as useful as tits on a bullfrog, lemme tell ya.
Anyway, i'm digressing .. Gomez has worked hard for this snow thing and this morning on the way to school it actually started snowing. Big flakes, but of course they were melting as soon as they hit the ground. Did that stop him from being hopeful that by noon there'd be a foot of snow on the ground and they'd let schools out early? Whadda ya think?
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i'm tired of my template. Oh, i like it and all, it just doesn't match me or my entries. Besides, a girl has to have change from time to time right? Jill, Chrome and Raw have all given me the itch to change my look. Before i can do mine though, i've got another template to build for some friends. i had built one for them, and while they were happy with it, i'm not satisfied. It can be improved and i think i want to take it in a slightly different direction than what i came up with originally. The trick will be to just stay off the cold meds long enough to get it done so that it doesn't look like a spastic kindergartener designed it.
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Speaking of new designs, get your butt over to Classics and check out their new design and the new life that has been breathed into a great idea. You'll thank me for it later.
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i'm getting tired and a nap is sounding really good, so ...
Until next time~
bisa
"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." (Mary Wilson Little)
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