I was reading calico7's diary and she wrote a very thought provoking entry on the pros and cons of having kids. One sentence caught my eye and I'm gonna have to paraphrase it, but it was to the effect of she's so good with kids because of her own "arrested development" and her childlike qualities. This started me to thinking .. Hmm? Yes, that's what set off your smoke detectors .. of my own mindset at times. I probably have the same affliction "arrested development", but mine, I'm sure, manifests itself in ways differently than calico's. I was drifting along, thinking about that and decided that mine manifests primarily in selfishness, to an extent. (Buckle your seatbelts and return your seat backs and trays to the upright postion kiddos, it's gonna be a loopy, bumpy diary entry, I can feel it already. Watch for dichotomies to abound.) Anyway, I decided to go through the list of what I want. Here goes:
1. I want a miracle cure of the laundry disease. It's never ever done.
2. I want a Wacom tablet to make my designing easier.
3. I want to master this html/dhmtl stuff so I can make kick ass webpages and diary templates, although I haven't a clue what'd I'd do with them because I'm not really convinced I have anything worth contributing to the miles of the information super highway. I just want to be ABLE to do it.
4. I want these damn ridges that were left by my first and only set of acrylic nails to grow out of my real fingernails.
5. I want to be a kid again. Not literally, but I want someone else to do all the boring, mundane, responsible grown up things. I want someone to wash my clothes, decide what to pack, pack, deal with schedules, decide what's for supper, tell me to get my butt to bed cuz I've been on the computer way too long and to smack my ass when I don't. I want someone to baby me when I feel crappy, cranky, tired.
6. I want to be able to shake my WASPY upbringing and finally be able to say "I don't give a rat's ass WHAT the neighbors/society/church ladies say."
That fucking need for approval that has been with me for as long as I can remember has been the bane of my existance. Although I did buck it and shake things up a little bit back when I tossed the ex hubby out the door. Ok ok, it was little things that I did, but I did them for me, and after the hell I went through, they felt like major accomplishments. Blue toenail polish, second piercing in my right ear and a tattoo on my ass may seem nowhere near adventurous to others, but to me they were huge steps in re-establishing .. no wait, in establishing my independence. I went from parents' house to marital house and did all the "right" things that good girls do. I think I missed out on alot by doing that.
7. I want to write and publish a book. Not the next great American novel. Just to see my words in print would be cool. Yeah, I know, but printing out a Word Doc and reading it on paper just isn't the same. I have no delusions about this. It's never gonna happen, mainly because I don't want it badly enough. Besides the stuff I write isn't exactly mainstream and that leads us back around to #6 doesn't it? Vicious circle, kiddos.
8. I want to take a nap.
9. I want pizza for supper but only because I just finished cleaning the kitchen and don't want to have to do it again tonight. But I don't want to spend vacation money on it when I've got food in the kitchen I can cook. Damn, I want someone to tell me "Go ahead and order the pizza."
10. I want to feel a man's fingers exploring my intimate folds .. delving and probing. At this very second in time, I'd take that over intercourse. There's something about a man's hands that totally turn me on.
11. I want the kid who has been here for 24 hours to go home. (Busts out laughing as said kid's Dad calls as soon as I finished the word "home." and told kid to head home.)
12. I want to change my name. This would startle some people because they love my name. It's different, although not unique. I've met two other people with the same name. One was a guy who spelled it a bit differently and one was a woman who spelled it the same but left out the space that is in mine. The funny thing is that the name I want to have is probably given to every fifth female baby born these days. So much for individuality.
13. I want to be able to go to the movies by myself. I've never gone alone, not because of lack of opportunity, but because of fear. Yep, bisa is afraid to go to the movies by herself.
14. I want to go to a BDSM club. Enough said about that.
15. I want to see two guys having sex. Hey, men fantasize about two women, so fair's fair.
Ok, 15, that's a start, but going to have to be enough for now. Those suitcases aren't going to back themselves, and despite the luck I had with the kid going home, I seriously doubt that someone's going to magically appear to finish the laundry and pack for me.
Unless I can charm the pizza delivery dude into doing it for me. *wicked grin*
Later taters ~~
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put
your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Words and Images � bisa-pet