Hell's bells woman, you will NOT believe what�s going on here on the island. You�d better sit down before reading this.
First off, your plan to fake your death worked marvelously. Everyone here is going on and on about it. What I can�t figure out is why some people are claiming to have offed you.
Jason is claiming that he neatly barbecued you and served you to us for dinner our first night here. How the hell no one noticed that the meat had a distinct chicken flavor I�ll never know, but I�m amazed that anyone ate anything that he cooked. I think the maniacal look he has kinda scared them.
Pushpull claimed that she threw your body into the infamous Money Pit and she even had a flowchart showing exactly how she did it. I had to bite my lip hard to keep from choking on the coconut milk when she piped up with that. The chain smoking while explaining it kind of hurt her credibility.
Between you and I though, there have been rumors that one of the judges is missing. Not that I�m accusing anyone. I�m just saying. Of course Call911 immediately sprang into action upon hearing this news. She tried to organize everyone into a search and rescue party, but the response was blank stares from all involved. I think C911 brought along some flu cooties from her hubby, at least that�s what she�s claiming as she keeps nipping at her �medicine� bottle.
Jon and Bob are acting like two schoolboys out on a field day from school. They can�t seem to keep from baiting each other. Of course, it isn�t helping matters that Jon insists on flipping off every person, plant, tree and bush he comes into contact with. Nor is it helping that Bob was last seen grumbling about stopping Jon�s flatulence problem while simultaneously whittling a butt plug out of a downed tree. Jack had to get HIS two cents in by exclaiming over his shoulder that the plug wasn�t big enough as he went off in search of a reed to blow on. Personally, I think Jack may have a wee bit of an oral fixation, but I could be wrong.
Cosmicrayola has been ever so patiently listening to Odalisk expound, in seven different languages, on the fact that even bitches have feelings too. Those two are an odd pairing. Cosmic, being the self appointed tribal elder, is a down to earth sweetheart who seems to have a heart of gold. Odalisk seems nice but damn is she intimidating. She�s who I wanted to be when I was younger ... hell, I STILL want to be her. All that world traveling seems like a blast. I really wish you were here to watch Jon�s eyes glaze over when Odalisk starts trying to talk to him using multi-syllabic words.
Mousepoet has been suffering withdrawals from his son something fierce, and of course no one can blame him. We just start to worry when he decides to distract himself by practicing the keyboard on an old stump. The practicing part doesn�t bother us so much as when he turns and hollers �Hey!! Does this thing sound flat to you guys?� or when he insists that we do the damn Macarena while he�s �playing� chopsticks.
Mousepoet isn�t the only creative being on the island. Smirkwood is a fabulous painter ... well at least we think she is. She has been using wet sand to decorate the tarp of our shelter. She has also been extolling the virtues of teaching her cat how to use the doggie door. You know, I thought I saw her glowing as the sun began to set. She muttered something that sounded like �too many ultrasounds lately.� We'll have to keep an eye on her because late last night she decided she'd had enough and was trying to swim home.
Verucaamish has been very quiet. I think she�s still recovering from her trip to Dollywood. We are very kind to her though, nodding our heads in agreement when she pulls her shirt hem down tight and throws back her shoulders, declaring that �Dolly better watch out!�
Kiss-a-frog is a hoot. She and I have been comparing the different brands of hair coloring on the market today. I even gave her tips on how to get koolaid stains out of clothing. Seems like she tends to get hers sloshed everywhere. She does have a problem with laundry however. She keeps muttering about how her favorite blue sweatshirt and her Spin Doctors hat have run off together for an illicit tryst.
Speaking of running off and illicit trysts, just because that crew member you abandoned ship with in the middle of the night had the title of Key-Grip doesn�t mean that you can�t let go of him. Let the boy breathe!
Don't worry though, your secret existence is safe with me. Say hi to Elvis for me and for the love of gawd send sweatshirts! It's too friggen cold on this damn island!
Hugs,
bisa
Words and Images � bisa-pet