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Some things never change || 11.11.03
Sunday we went to Mom and Dad's to have a birthday party for Kimo. The boys love having their parties out there -- heck, they love just being out there period. Lots of places for curious little boys to explore on those five acres of land.

Mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table, talking, and the subject of Gomez's dyslexia came up. I told her how I am seriously considering holding him back at the end of this year unless things drastically improve for him. He's struggling beyond belief. His IEP is being followed, finally, but it just doesn't seem to be making a huge difference. Kimo, who is in first grade, can read words that Gomez, in seventh, can't. NOT a good sign.

Granted, Kimo is the complete opposite of Gomez. Kimo excells at reading. Nothing gives him problems. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if Kimo should be advanced a grade. He's already reading at two levels above where he should be to be considered Above Excellent.

Gomez on the other hand is having a super hard time and it gives me flashbacks of when he was in second grade and hated school, thinking he was stupid.

See, the thing with Gomez is that he is very bright. He has a high IQ, in fact. It's just that somewhere in his brain things get jumbled. Needless to say he's smart enough to know something's wrong, that he's "different", and he translates that into "stupid". And THAT creates full blown panic attacks resulting in attendance problems, which throw him even further behind. It's a vicious circle which we struggle almost daily to break.

I will be forever grateful to his second grade teacher for noticing his problems and for agreeing with me that something was off with him, opening up the doors for him to be tested.

So, we've been dealing with this from second grade forward. It's not something new. It's just that every school year we have to start over again it seems. I have to stay on top of the teachers to make sure he's getting the benefits of is IEP.

Ok, back to Mom ... She asked me Sunday to do her a favor. She wants me to ask my Dad to go with me to the next twice yearly conference with his teachers.

*blink blink*

Now ya'll, this totally pissed me off. I had to fight not to explode at her. She does this shit to me. Same habits die hard, I suppose.

All my life I've heard how smart, intelligent, dependable, responsible I am, yet she completely contradicts those words with crap like this.

I answered her with a level "Umm, why?"

Her response was that she thinks that Dad can help because he is a retired teacher and knows what the law requires that the school district supply to kids with learning problems.

As if I don't. As if he and I haven't discussed it ad nauseum. As if I haven't spent hundreds of hours searching and researching information. As if I haven't talked and talked with the LD teachers at various levels of school.

*sigh*

At times like these, probably because I'm Too Damn Nice, I try to focus on the fact that she was raised in an era in which anything of importance was handled by a man.

Need a new car? Send a man to buy it for you.

Plumbing stop up? Have a man call and talk with a plumber about it.

Flat tire? Wait three hours on the side of the road until a man comes by and offers to change it for you.

I can't get her to remember her words of how competent I am. It's like all that crap flies out the window if the subject matter isn't "fluff".

She said Sunday "It'll be time to get pilot lights lit soon."

"Yep, Mom."

"Guess you already have yours lit, huh?"

"Yes, I do. I lit them last week as a matter of fact."

"I forget that you can do that."

"Mom, I've been doing it for three years now. It's not rocket science. If I don't do it, there's no one else to get it done."

When X and I were newly separated she worried constantly. In her tunnel-mind I, and the boys by default, were in great peril.

Once during bad weather, with the whole county under a tornado watch, she called me to check on us. She said in a shaking, nervous voice "I sure wish X was there."

I answered her with "Why Mom? If a tornado came whirling towards the house, what the hell could X do to make it go away??"

She kind of laughed at herself and said "Nothing, I suppose. I'd just feel better."

I said "Yeah? I'd feel worse if he were here."

That ended that conversation.

Oh, and about the above one, regarding taking Dad with me ... that one ended with an "Oh."

Yeah, I was trying to keep the peace. The last thing Kimo needed at his birthday party was his mother and his granny glaring daggers at each other. So I let it drop. Not answering her question.

However, she knew it offended me. How do I know?

Easy.

She called me after we got home and said "I just wanted to thank you for letting us have Kimo's birthday party. It was fun and we really enjoyed it."

*blink* That is a first, ladies and gentlemen. Out of all the birthday parties since GOMEZ turned one, she has never ever done that. It's usually me thanking her for having it at her house.

So yeah, she was trying to make amends. That's her way. She is absolutely incapable of admitting when she is wrong or when she messed up. Her lips would fall off before the words "I'm sorry" passed over them. So what she does is find something totally unrelated and gets syrupy sweet about THAT instead.

Yet she takes unbelievable pleasure in pointing out whenever someone else makes a mistake, particularly my Dad. She is like a damn hunting panther, just waiting to pounce on any small mistake he makes. It's assinine.

The funny thing about that is she has absolutely no idea that we all know she does that. Hell, I'm not even sure she's aware that she does it.

As much as I go rounds and rounds with it, I think I create more of a problem out of it than I should. Hell, I've known for years she's this way and the likelihood of her changing is slim to none. She's been set in her ways since she was 30, per Dad.

I've told people "Look, no matter what advice my mom gives you, whether you want it or not, if you don't agree, just nod politely and smile, then forget it and do your own thing." She's well aware that not everyone follows her advice -- I've proven that to her time and time again -- yet she just can't help herself and will spout off with "You should .... " "You shouldn't ...." at the drop of a hat.

The ONLY exception to this rule is my brother. She absolutely won't give him her two cents unless he asks.

Why?

Say it with me class ... "Because he's a man."

Until next time~

bisa

Does Lee make Press-On testicles?




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