While I love my family and friends, I'm feeling very put upon. I feel like I have all these demands on me and that I'm drowning. It's been so bad that I have felt like just withdrawing and putting up a sign saying "Hibernating, get back to me this spring."
The thing is, each individual person doesn't understand, because they only see their "demands" (for lack of a better word) and not the whole picture. Therefore they don't think there's a lot of pressure on me.
And honestly, taken individually it's not a lot of pressure. It's just the accumulated build up of everyone at one time.
I dunno but I'm thinking that the cause behind all this is just that I'm worn out from being Mom. I haven't had a break from it for a long time. The kids haven't been to their Dad's in three weeks. They haven't spent time out at Mom's in a couple of weeks. Last week Kimo was home sick, so I was with him 24/7 for over a week, and let me tell you, Kimo is a handful. He is constantly chattering about this or that. And even when he does play by himself, I still feel like I have to be aware and alert.
Gomez is much more self sufficient, but not completely. I mean I still have to do the laundry, make sure he has clothes to wear to school, make sure his homework is done, make sure he has lunch money and all the other Mom things one does for a 12 year old.
Combine that with the general day to day things that ya have to do around the house (which in all honesty I've been letting slip horribly) and you end up with one tired Mom.
Not just tired tired but hmmm more like a feeling of malaise.
No matter how much sleep I get, which granted isn't a lot these days, I feel like I could crawl into bed at any given time and just sleep.
I've lost interest in making signature tags and email stationery. I've lost interest in making templates. And these are things which I enjoy immensely, which is really indicative of my mood.
I've lost interest in my diary to an extent. I'm hoping a change of template may change that, but I don't know.
I do know that I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about all the Dland soap operas that are going on. This person isn't who she claimed, that person is saying hateful things on a forum, this other person is making someone else's life miserable.
I'd rather stay oblivious to it. I'm of the opinion that engaging these people in a shit fight will only result in both participants coming out smelling like shit. I mean god, do you really want to waste time and energy and your own happiness to deal with small minded people who mean as little to you as a speck of dust? Do you really care what small minded, vicious people think about you? Consider the source people, consider the source.
But then again, I'm very much in an "eh, whatever" mindspace right now and am really finding my grip on my patience slipping.
And let me remind you, my grip on the whole patience issue was weak to start with. Little things are trying my patience now, whereas before they'd just slide right by.
I talked to my Dad the other day about blood pressure problems. He told me that once his own blood pressure got back down to normal, he found that he had less energy.
When I went to see my doctor Tuesday, I got the fantastic news that my blood pressure medication is working fabulously - my BP dropped 30 pts, down to 128/74!!! I asked him about what Dad had said and he agreed. He said once your BP drops your body isn't running in high gear anymore, therefore sometimes you feel like your energy level has dropped.
Interesting side note - it's amazing how much you forget when you aren't using your education on a regular basis. It's also interesting how you forget stuff when it comes to either a loved one or yourself. All your training goes right out the window, especially if it's your child that's sick or hurt.
I'm off - to go do .... eh ... something.
Until next time~
Words and Images � bisa-pet